Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Next Morning

I sat up half the night looking at the paperwork and taking the test, some on the net and some she had giving me.  I was a loss, in some I had the ability to design web pages, work on computers and others came to the conclusion that I would do well in an office setting.  I could find no common thread to bring them together.  I am by no means a pattern person but I thought there had to be at least a small common denominator!  I wondered just who designed these tests and if they really had real life people in mind.  Somehow I did not think so.

I woke at six and started coffee, I knew I would need it to get me through the morning, after the second cup I braved the computer and started searching.  I admit that I was lacking when it came to computers and mainly used it for research and email.  I am very good at research so I started what I do best, searching.  I realized as much as I wanted to work, there really was not a place out there for me.  I had planned my future with long term in mind but had really put no thought into what I would actually do.  I knew if I was careful, I could live somewhat comfortably and not have a worry.  I never really planned on more than that.  I never thought once in my younger years that I would want more.

I always knew I would retire and literally banked on that.  Well they say hind site is 20/20 but here I am now wondering.  I thought of how many girls think that far ahead and immediately knew the answer, few less than a handful.  Most never get past the here and now or what gift they will receive tomorrow.  What they can get right now, the instant gratification of the present and not the comfort of the future.  It is a sad thing really but so very true. I had the good luck of having a lovely man teach me to be careful and to think of more than just today.  I do not know where I would be if it had not been for him.  If for nothing else I have learned for that I will always be thankful. 

I searched until nearly 11am and decided upon a course that would suit me, not a career but a course.  I knew I would go to school, take a class or two and find what I like, what made me sit up and pay attention, what would make me want to be part of that, eventually.  I also realized that right now was just not the time.  So I gathered all the pamphlets up, cleaned up the desk and floor and put them in the recycle bin.  I returned to the computer with idea in mind.  Maybe I could educate other girls, if not then at least tell a pretty good story!  So here I am and this is my story.

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